I am going to be a brat....

Okay so many of you don't know is that Greg and I have given up fighting on NOT getting pregnant. After working through both of our struggles about getting pregnant we both agree it wouldn't be a bad thing. Both of us have bad previous relationships, my going to hell and a hand basket during my pregnancy with Kade ruining my chance of having the excitement and wonder that a lot of new parents get during the pregnancy. Mine sucked!! It was some of the worst months of my life, not because I was sick because I was super sick but because I knew I was going to have to be single mother...I just didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy. In the past few years I have really wanted to explore that feeling...I want to have one of those pregnancy's that all my friends have...when their husband is just as excited as you are to welcome your child into this year. I have felt for a while now that Heavenly Father is going to bless me with a little girl of my own. I don't know how to explain the feeling...its almost like I can touch her! But is now become the most frustrating thing of my life. We are not pregnant and it looks like in all reality that it is not going to happen. I know a lot of people say that once you stop trying then it will magically happen. But its not. I'm really frustrated right now.

On top of all this is seems like almost everyone I know is pregnant...and to boot they are ALL having little girls. Kid you not!!!! They are all going to have beautiful baby girls. My other huge thing now is I absolutely hate going on facebook lately. All these people who are pregnant are complaining like mad crazy....oh I feel sick, oh my body aches... I just wanna scream and say you are LUCKY do you realize that! There are hundreds of women who will not ever be able to go through what you are...the feeling of creating a beautiful thing.... YOU ARE BLESSED.

I am not trying to be mean in anyway. I do not actually hate anyone or am angry with anyone....I think the emotion would be the green one....JEALOUSY. Thats right I'm jealous of all the lovely mothers I know who get to experience this. I'm probably jealous also that I've never had the kind of support that my friends have had. I now have the most amazing husband and I just want to experience that with this man.

January.....

The most noticeable thing that happened in January was that Greg's brother Brad and his wife Lisa took Kade and his cousin Kode to Disneyland. It was Kade's first visit and he had an absolute blast. He and Kode got their faces painted, ate lots of sugar and had a blast hanging out with each other. Kade even got to battle Darth Vader after becoming a Jedi! Then at the end of the day they fell asleep hardcore on the way home! Check out the pics they are great (Kudos to Brad and Lisa for taking so many awesome pics...over 200 of them!)

December.....

This was a great month. I got to see my brother for the first time in years, I had a wonderful surprise when my parents flew in at the same time as my brother for my birthday, Kade turned a year older, and we had a fun but simple Christmas.

I can't believe Kade is six now. He started kindergarten this year and he is excelling at school.


We had a wonderful Christmas, Kade got his penguin pillow pet that he wanted all year.


We went and saw the Mesa Temple lights that night.

Holy cow....time flys.

So I have obviously been incredibly negligent in updating my blog but one of my goals this year is to change that. I plan on posting at least once a month and hopefully once a week. Hopefully this is one habit I can keep. I am going to start with December 2010 as it was a very exciting time for me and my family.